pelangi hitam putih

2011-10-11T02:24:00.000+08:00

Things happen.

It's not always about you. In fact, sometimes, it never ever was about you, though you can't bear the pain it brought you, the nights you spent staying up, trying to find a solution, figuring out where you went wrong, praying to your deity of choice for a hope of an answer.

How can nothing hurt so bad?

This is life. Try to catch up.

2011-06-05T01:51:00.000+08:00

He stays at his workplace this chap, because he don't have money to go back home, pretty depressing to say the least, but then again, I told him, you're awfully lucky to have a job.

2011-05-15T22:46:00.000+08:00

"Berikanlah aku 10 pemuda maka akan kuguncang dunia"

When you sit down and think about it, Sukarno's bold, blood boiling statement is not that hard a thing to achieve, especially if you take it literally, to shake the world. Look around you, pick up a newspaper and read. The world has been shaken by less a number of men than that.

"Berikan aku 10 pemuda maka akan ku-ubah dunia"

Now that's something yet to be seen.

Three Quotes

2011-05-15T22:39:00.000+08:00

1. Only enemies tell the truth, friends and lovers lie endlessly.

2. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer.

3. Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.

2011-05-12T23:22:00.000+08:00

It rained today. Thank God, it rained today.

He took a glance at the clock, hanging on the wall, that clock he very much despised. Why? Because it lies, it's not honest, it gives false hope and breaks bona vide ones. He despised it because it was 5 minutes early. How funny, he thought, to despise something yet having to rely on it day in and day out. Oh the beauty, oh the tragedy. The duality of men.

Yet today, as of that moment, neither if the clock was lying or if it is telling the truth, he knew that it was him who is late. The thing with being late it that from the moment you establish that you're late, your every action will speed up: you talk faster, you walk faster, you think faster. Faster, as if you've been cheated by time, who ran before the gun goes 'bang', in an Olympic dash with the weight of your nation's hope hung around your neck, waiting for the gold to lift it off. Faster, faster, faster.. until as always, you lose.

You lose, but your morality is unshaken. You lose, because the clock lied. You lose, because time cheated. You are never wrong.

By the time he arrived, the place was empty but for a lone figure in the distance, with a broom, sweeping the floor in slow mundane motion, left and right, left and right, left and right. If you play a soft string orchestral music to accompany this visual, you will get a beautiful movie scene, when the selfless janitor, who the night before saved the young girl from the school bullies, went back to his life as nothing happened yet little did he know, that the young girl he saved was actually his daughter, unknown to him because she was born while he was in the prison and she was running down the opposite corridor to thank him only to get there a few seconds too late because the bullies came back to gun him down in cold blooded revenge. Alas, today, is not going to be that day.

He walked over to the guy, waved over and said hi.

"It rained today", he said, gesturing out the window to the tiny droplets of water, racing down the window panes.

The man glanced outside and smiled. "Thank God, it rained today".

2011-03-29T01:22:00.002+08:00

Probably the most beautiful photo a man could capture.

Rene Burri.

2011-03-29T00:52:00.009+08:00

It's easy to scoff at people who tried to take their own life away when you don't know what they've been through.

Oh, they are just doing that to get attention, you say but you don't know what they've been through.

Yeah, maybe they are doing it to get attention, because it's the only way they know how to. We don't know because we don't know what they've been through.

God hates people who take their own lives, they burn in hell for everafter but we don't know what they've been through.

It might be a small a matter to you, how stupid their problems and their grieves but you don't know what they've been through.

Instead of all the sneering why not we spend a time and think about what they've been through?

You know that guy in your class, on the same bus as you, in that corner of the restaurant every Tuesday afternoon, their long blank stares and their fingers lost in the mess that is their hair. Why don't you ask him what he's been through?

Or that girl alone on the bridge in a cold winter's night. What is she going through?

Why don't you trying giving them some attention before they demand it themselves? You have people you can talk to about your mom, your work, your friends, your dreams, your hopes, your fear, your pain, your joy, your love. Be that someone to people who aren't quite as lucky as you.

You don't know what they've been through.

You don't know what they've been through.

You don't know what they've been through.

Suicide is painless when it is not happening, though it's not as painful as living with no one listening.

2011-03-27T20:35:00.000+08:00

You know how when you go to interviews and you'll be asked what do you want to be in 5 years time? A few times I answered 'Happy'.

I want to be happy.

Most times though, what I get in return is blank stares.

"Happy?"

Yeah, happy. I figured that what they wanted to hear is that I want to earn RM10,000, live in a house along Jalan Bukit Pantai, drive around in a Volkswagen Golf.. you know, that sorta stuffs. Being happy doesn't sound too ambitious I suppose, or perhaps, earning RM10,000, living in a house along Jalan Bukit Pantai and driving around in a Volkswagen Golf is their idea of happiness.

Sorry I'm not that guy. There's plenty of him around, you can have him. I can't be him.

I remember telling one interviewer, chit-chatting in an interview that is clearly lost, when he asked me what is it that I really wanted to do, that I want to be a photojournalist, a war correspondent perhaps, with my dusty camera, behind debrits of what was a house, somewhere on the frontline of some future war, covering every minutes of it.

He then asked me, aren't you scared you might get hurt? I told him, if I get to do that, I don't mind dying. But don't ask me to do things I don't want to do, because I know that I'll never going to do it.

This is Amir Hadi Azmi

2011-03-22T17:00:00.000+08:00

To paraphrase Izham Ismail, 'Tak terror, tak handsome, tak kaya. Rock pun tak.'

March 2011.
Jalan Imbi.
Leica M6 + Summilux 50/1.4 + Kodak Ektar 100 + Hariry Ariffin's lasik eyes.

2011-03-13T11:49:00.002+08:00

12 March 2011
Sungai Sikamat

2011-02-19T23:51:00.000+08:00

19 February 2011
Ayer Keroh
Nikon D80 + AF Nikkor 50/1.8 + Available, light. Available light.

2011-02-17T17:31:00.001+08:00

15 February 2011
Kampung Tunku
Nikon D80 + AF Nikkor 50/1.8 + Old Money

2011-02-13T14:01:00.001+08:00

I am like my photos; sometimes colourful, sometimes in black and white yet always static.

2011-02-09T21:26:00.000+08:00

Serendipity.

2011-02-09T09:50:00.000+08:00

There is a pertinent story about a man who was working on an oil platform in the North Sea. He woke up one night from a loud explosion, which suddenly set his entire oil platform on fire. In mere moments, he was surrounded by flames. Through the smoke and heat, he barely made his way out of the chaos to the platform's edge. When he looked down over the edge, all he could see were the dark, cold, foreboding Atlantic waters.

As the fire approached him, the man had mere seconds to react. He could stand on the platform, and inevitably be consumed by the burning flames. Or, he could plunge 30 meters in to the freezing waters. The man was standing upon a burning platform, and he needed to make a choice.

Kata-kata yang dipermusuhkan

2011-02-05T21:57:00.000+08:00

1. Nanti

2. Aku ingatkot..

3. Biasalah

4. Aku rasa..

5. Okay kot..

2011-02-05T21:52:00.000+08:00

5 December 2010.
Raja Chulan and Sultan Ismail.
Nikon D80 + AF Nikkor 50/1.8 + Adobe Lightroom + Facing futures.

2011-02-04T23:56:00.000+08:00

5 December 2010.
MCOBA Dinner at Hotel Istana.
Nikon D80 + AF Nikkor 50/1.8 + Nikon Speedlight SB900 + the ladies' man.

2011-02-02T01:08:00.000+08:00

The door of the compartment was open and I could see the corridor window, where the wires-- six thin black wires-- were doing their best to slant up, to ascend skyward, despite the lightning blows dealt them by one telegraph pole after another; but just as all six, in a triumphant swoop of pathetic elation, were about to reach the top of the window, a particularly vicious blow would bring them down, as low as they had ever been, and they would have to start all over again."

Nabokov. "Speak, Memory"

Freefall

2011-01-28T00:18:00.003+08:00

My expectations were high when I first watched The Revenge of The Sith, because at long last we were going to be able to see the fall of Anakin Skywalker and the becoming of Darth Vader, and like most people I was disappointed.

Just like that? He turned into the greatest villain ever on the silver screen just because of that? That?

Nonetheless, looking back at it now, I guess I understood what happened to Anakin. He was already fallen a long time before. Long before he was in the Chancellor's office, seeing Mace Windu being thrown out of the window on his own personal, very physical fall.

You see, like Anakin, we are all fallen, each in our own way, for our own way, whatever that maybe. His fall came about the time he was so sure of himself being the greatest Jedi of them all, and his fear of losing Padme and their children. Palpatine came about with a question to the answer that he already knew.

We have made that decision to walk off the cliff long before we even see the cliff. It is just a matter of timing.

But have you heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper? On his way down past each floor, he kept saying to reassure himself: So far so good… so far so good… so far so good. How you fall doesn’t matter. It’s how you land. It doesn't have to be bad and even when it is bad, it not necessarily a bad thing. Despite his fall, and his bad landing, Anakin eventually sacrificed himself to save his son, undid all the wrong he had done, brought forth stability to the Force, peace to the galaxy and fulfilled his destiny.

Some people just need to know how deep the abyss is before they can appreciate the height of the sky.

*

May 2010.
Ayer Keroh.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + chaos.

2011-01-26T23:25:00.000+08:00

Chasing dreams.

December 2010.
My room in the attic.
Nikon D80 + AF Nikkor 50/1.8 + Yuri Gagarin, Lenin and Tweety.

2011-01-23T15:25:00.000+08:00

November 2010.
Jalan Desa Ria.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + What have I gotten myself into?

2011-01-22T20:12:00.001+08:00

Music is perhaps the epitome of human's creativity.

50

2011-01-20T11:11:00.000+08:00

People often sneer at others who only asks God for help when they are in trouble, but isn't that better than those who never asks God for anything?

Boys don't cry. If that is the case then I guess I'm now a man.

The worst feeling in this world is without a doubt, the feeling of disappointing others, of which I am guilty of time and time again. I wasn't quite sure if you caught notice of the last few seconds of our phone conversation when my emotions betrayed me and I let loose a hint of tears over your assurance that everything is going to be fine. Is it so wrong though if you do? Perhaps we've been living deep in that age old dogma that we pushed aside the things that we feel is right for the things we think is right.

Can a heartless person possibly cry?

A year ago

2011-01-19T10:27:00.002+08:00

49

2011-01-17T00:56:00.000+08:00

If there is that illusive unnamed feeling, this must be it or perhaps, what it really is is an amalgamation of dozens of contradicting feelings, leaving the mind to wonder what really is going on down there in the heart.

The cold morning breeze through the window wide open as on the radio a slow song plays, too soft to identify yet loud enough to wake me up makes me smile at the thought of the morning, that pure feeling before the brain starts to kick in all the worries of the day you start to regret waking up late, or waking up at all.

Oh how the battle between the heart and the mind.

I saw your car today on the side of that road and that spoilt my morning. I passed the same road again come midnight and you are still there and that spoilt my entire day. Perhaps I'm selfish for putting my happiness on such a silly fact, but you yourself have been selfish to me for far longer by treating me this way. Don't you think that we both sound so childish for two people who believes, and still do, that they can outsmart the world?

We love to solve other people's problem yet we could never solve our own. We manage by pretending there is no problem. We manage by pretending a lot of things. You manage by pretending to the world that I do not exist. I manage by pretending to the world that you are more than what you really are. You live in your make believe world where I am the occasional shameful sin you allow yourself to as an escapism. I live in my make believe world where you are the heavenly reward I deserve for being a selfless human being.

Maybe perhaps if you allow more of me to exist in your world, I'll let go a bit more of you in my world. But then again, what problem would that solve since we don't have any problems between us.

We, perfect human beings.

2010-12-08T17:03:00.000+08:00

Anak-anak kitakah yang memikul beban
Kesilapan kita
Hingga dia tak kenal
Budaya canggung bangsa sendiri

Nikon D80 + AF Nikkor 50/1.8 + Acrylic on canvas.

2010-11-03T00:36:00.000+08:00

April 14 2010.
Rawang.
HP PSC 1210 All-in-One + Benjamin Ujang.

2010-10-29T14:13:00.000+08:00

Hujung Ramadan 1431.
Alor Setar.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + Nasi Kandar Yasmeen.

Sofort, unverzüglich

2010-10-26T21:37:00.000+08:00

On the 9th of November 1989, Günter Schabowski, the spokeperson for the East German regime gave a press conference announcing after much protest and the mass exodus of its population out into West Germany, that the government is finally allowing them to travel abroad.

Back then there was the Berlin Wall. It was built as a defense for the socialist side of Berlin against supposed fascist influence from the capitalist side. While the wall was physically built to surround West Berlin, not unlike a castle wall build around medieval fortresses, it was the people who was on the other side of the enclave that was being imprisoned.

Inside the wall, freedom.

Quite ironic, ja?

Herr Schabowski, while about to finish that rather boring press conference was passed by an intern, a simple note stating that the central committee of East Germany is announcing that its citizens are to be allowed to travel outside of their country without let or hindrance where previously they were required to apply for a visa which of course was often turned down.

See, Herr Schabowski was away during the meeting in which the decision was made and he himself was not aware of it and the simple nature of the note did not help him understand more. The decision was supposed to take effect the following day as to give the border guards enough time to prepare for any eventualities. Instead, after reading the note, Günter Schabowski was asked by journalists on when will the borders be opened, in which he answered "Sofort, unverzüglich".

Immediately, without delay.

The two simple words he uttered was the ending to the long struggle the Berliners, Germans, had against the wall that divided them. The Berlin Wall fell with those two words. Germany was henceforth reunited. The Iron Curtain came down. Communism in Europe ended and eventually, the Soviet Union collapsed.

Sofort, unverzüglich.

Immediately, without delay.

I am often guilty of being not sofort, unverzüglich. I fail to realize the power in being sofort, unverzüglich. Thank you Herr Schabowski for making me realize it, eventhough you never meant it for me, just like how you never meant to tear down the Berlin Wall, just like how you never meant to change the world.

Sofort, unverzüglich.

2010-10-25T14:35:00.000+08:00

Syawal 2010.
Batu 5 Suku, Jalan Langgar.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + Cousins, brothers.

2010-10-22T03:09:00.000+08:00

1 Syawal 1431.
Batu 5 Suku, Jalan Langgar.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + The one that got away, and the one that stuck around.

Towering Things

2010-10-21T00:13:00.002+08:00

Just where exactly is the center of Kuala Lumpur? Do we set the colonial edifice of Dataran Merdeka as the center or is it our shine modern spires of KLCC as the center? Well, it has to be KLCC isn't it? Why would they call it the Kuala Lumpur City Center if it wasn't.

I like the skyline of my city, with the Twin Towers on one corner and the KL Tower on the other, bracketing the other smaller buildings between it. It's immediately recognizable, even if you were to draw just the outlines and fill it black. That's KL. The only other city with a skyline quite like ours in Cologne by the Rhine in Germany with the twin spires of the Kölner Dom on one side and across the river, the ubiquitous German TV tower.

But of course, Cologne is smaller than KL with a more rustic look than our messy city.

A Malaysian newspaper a while back reported on the Menteri Besar of Johor talking about how Johor Bahru is getting its own 'KLCC' whereby the land on which their turf club now sits on will be repurposed as the new center of the city and at the center of it all is a tower, no, two towers that is going to look like the Petronas Twin Towers in KL.

Why oh why?

I believe that each city should have a landmark of its own, a distinct landmark mind you, not one 'inspired' by others in some other places near or far. You guys want to show of to Singapore or what? "Owh, those buggers can't see our KLCC, so far. We build one in JB la, baru diorang tau". Senseless. I'm sure there are plenty of skilled Johorean architects that would love to see a modern building as a landmark of their city, a city smaller only to KL itself, rather than having a cheap imitation planted on their soil.

You know what? Take the 100-storey Warisan Merdeka tower. Go ahead. I think it would serve JB better than it would KL. You want to brag right? Want Singaporeans to see what we can do right? Build that la, so that they can't stand on Bukit Timah without having it on their sight. Good idea what? With a name as kitsch as Warisan Merdeka, JB is the most apt location. Datuk Onn Jaafar, the father of UMNO hails from JB, UMNO started in JB, Johor is the true Malay stronghold, their Sultanate traces its root back to the mighty Malacca itself. Such glory!

So yeah, Dear Leader sir. If you happen to read my blog, I promise to vote for your party if you take that penis-like tower of yours away from Victoria Institution and build it in JB instead. Dangerous la sir, those VI boys, their school is all boys you know. If they see that tower from their classes everyday, they'll get all horny and gatal-gatal.

You surely don't want another MCKK with its Defacto Leader bothering you don't you?

2010-10-18T01:33:00.000+08:00

I believe in natural light photography.

1 Syawal 1431.
Batu 5 Suku, Jalan Langgar.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + Lazing on a Syawal afternoon.

Disclaimer

2010-10-16T00:24:00.002+08:00

Ini bukan blog gadis-gadis nak lepas geram dekat bekas kekasih, tapi nak tulis statement-statement vague yang hint-hint kau tak move on lagi tapi buat-buat macam kau dah move on. Kalau kau dah move on kau tak buang masa tulis sajak-sajak dalam bahasa baku yang penuh dengan statement-statement vague yang hint-hint kau tak move on lagi tapi buat-buat macam kau dah move on. Ini bukan blog yang nak mintak maaf sebab dah lama tak update, sorry ya peminat-peminat sekalian, I sibuk dengan kehidupan as if kau betul-betul ada kehidupan. Kau tak tulis sebab kau tak ada idea, bukan sebab life kau happening sangat sampai tak ada masa nak update. Kalau life kau happening sangat kau patut lagi rajin nak update pasal life kau yang happening sangat. Maybe kau boleh post gambar-gambar kau lepak-lepak dengan kawan-kawan, lelaki dan perempuan so bila bekas kekasih kau singgah blog kau tulis 'tumpang lalu' dekat kau punya chatbox, dia frust sebab nampak kau happy tanpa dia dan instead of tulis sajak-sajak dalam bahasa baku yang penuh dengan statement-statement vague yang hint-hint kau tak move on lagi tapi buat-buat macam kau dah move on, kau betul-betul move on dan sekarang gembira dengan life kau yang sangat happening yang kau tulis dan post untuk peminat-peminat kau baca sebab life kau betul-betul happening dan kau tak payah nak menipu dekat peminat-peminat kau kata kau tak post lama sebab kau sibuk dengan life kau yang happening walhal kau tak ada idea selain tulis sajak-sajak dalam bahasa baku yang penuh dengan statement-statement vague yang hint-hint kau tak move on lagi tapi buat-buat macam kau dah move on. Blog ni tak ada peminat. Blog ni tak ada orang baca. Blog ni tak ada peminat-peminat baca. Pembaca-pembaca blog ni bukan peminat. Pembaca-pembaca blog ni bukan peminat yang rajin nak tulis 'tumpang lalu' dekat chatbox. Blog ni tak ada peminat dan tak ada chatbox untuk peminat-peminat nak tulis 'tumpang lalu'. Pembaca-pembaca blog ni yang bukannya peminat tak minat nak tulis 'tumpang lalu' dekat chatbox sebab diorang tak minat nak tulis 'tumpang lalu' dekat chatbox dan kalau diorang minat pun diorang tak boleh nak tulis 'tumpang lalu' dekat chatbox sebab blog ni tak ada chatbox. Pembaca-pembaca blog ni bukan peminat yang akan komen apa-apa saja seperti tulis 'tumpang lalu' dekat chatbox semata-mata nak jaga hati penulis bagi dia rasa happy dia ada kawan. Kalau penulis tulis sampah, diorang tak comment, senang. Bila penulis blog ni tak update lama sebab dia memang tak ada idea dan bukan sebab dia konon-konon tak ada masa sebab life dia sangat happening, diorang tak kecoh-kecoh nak tulis 'tumpang lalu' dekat chatbox untuk mendapat perhatian penulis harap-harap dia tulis apa-apa pasal life dia yang happening sampai tak ada masa nak update blog dan kalau diorang nak pun tak boleh sebab blog ni tak ada chatbox dan memang pun diorang tak tulis sebab diorang tak buang masa nak tulis 'tumpang lalu' dekat chatbox sebab diorang nak kena posting dekat blog sendiri pasal life diorang yang happening sebab diorang tak buang masa tulis sajak-sajak dalam bahasa baku yang penuh dengan statement-statement vague hint-hint diorang tak move on lagi tapi buat-buat macam dah move on. So kalau kau baca blog ni maknanya kau tak buang masa nak tulis benda-benda macam 'tumpang lalu' dekat chatbox sebab kau ada chatbox sendiri yang banyak orang nak tulis 'tumpang lalu' sebab diorang suka tulis benda-benda macam 'tumpang lalu' dekat chatbox blog kau sebab kau selalu posting pasal life kau yang happening sebab kau tak buang masa tulis sajak-sajak dalam bahasa baku yang penuh dengan statement-statement vague hint-hint korang tak move on lagi tapi buat-buat macam dah move on dan kau tak comment dekat posting-posting sampah dekat blog yang pembacanya yakni kau bukan peminat sebab blog ni tak ada peminat-peminat sepeti yang suka tulis 'tumpang lalu' dekat chatbox tapi tak boleh sebab blog ni tak ada chatbox so diorang tulis 'tumpang lalu' dekat blog korang after baca sajak-sajak dalam bahasa baku kau yang penuh dengan statement-statement vague hint-hint kau tak move on lagi tapi buat-buat macam dah move on yang kau tulis dalam blog kau lepas kau mintak maaf sebab lama tak posting sebab life kau happening sangat sampai tak ada masa nak update blog.

2010-10-15T03:07:00.005+08:00

17 June 2010.

Kinokuniya.

Nikon D700 + AI Nikkor 50/1.2 + Chuck Palahniuk's Choke.

What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.

Step 1

2010-10-14T00:20:00.001+08:00

I wish I were a Warhol silk screen hanging on the wall. Or little Joe or maybe Lou. I'd love to be them all. All New York's broken hearts and secrets would be mine. I'd put you on a movie reel, and that would be.. just fine.

Ian Curtis.

Nikon D40 + Helios-44-2 58/2 + Adobe Lightroom +

2010-10-12T23:16:00.000+08:00

You know times when you call up some people and they're just happy to hear your voice? Best feeling in the world.

I think about the effect Facebook has on friendship. Maybe the fact that we have a person in our friends list, that we read the things they wrote everyday, skim through the photos they post, laughed at the videos they share and clicking on those occasional likes makes us feel that we are well in touch with them, that it is okay, that it fills in for the lack of a more physical contact with them.

It's either that our interpersonal skills are degrading because of Facebook, or it is our human nature that has yet to accept the change in how we communicate. It's quite relative actually, this technologies in communications. In one way it helps us communicate across distances like we've never been able to before. Getting to talk in real time with your loved ones across a dozen seas, getting to see, and not just hear their smile.

We are all sentimental romantics aren't we?

Still, there are still those occasions when you just cringe when people use technology to communicate such as wishing your birthday on you Facebook wall, tagging your name onto a photo of their wedding invitation, wishing Hari Raya via status updates. Sometimes it feels like we deserve a bit more than that.

Well, maybe that's it really. Effort. It's not really the thought that counts isn't it? It's how you hard you strived to deliver that thought onto that other person that's worth its value in gold. A friend told me once that two persons being in a friendship is much like two gardeners planting flowers. You want that flower blooming you can't just sit inside, sipping tea by the window and look at it. Neither can your friend.

Dreams mean work. Work means fun if you're doing it with the people you love.

2010-10-12T02:21:00.000+08:00

When R.J. Willkinson set out to create at The Malay College, 'A vigorous and intelligent race of young men who will be in touch with modern progress but not out of touch with old traditions; who will be liberally educated but not educated out of sympathy with their own families and people; who will be manly and not effeminate, strong-minded but not strong willed, acknowledging a duty to others instead of being a law unto themselves and who will be fit to do something in the world instead of settling down into fops, spendthrifts or drones', he was talking about Izham Ismail.

Happy Birthday.

2010-10-06T01:05:00.000+08:00

People change.

2010-09-06T02:51:00.000+08:00

I think I don't do drugs because my first memory about drugs was seeing one of my earliest celebrity idol, Saleem Iklim with his hands behind his back, in some dirty boxer, high, grinning like a fool, waving to the camera on prime time news.

31 Ogos

2010-08-31T00:17:00.000+08:00

Here's a simple hope I have for this small country of mine on this Merdeka anniversary: let us all befriend all. That's a good first step.

Tak kenal maka tak cinta kan?

On a bark of tree in Kegon Falls

2010-08-29T03:08:00.000+08:00

Delicate line between heaven and earth..
The calm of the ages,
all the world's worth.
Such minuscule measure,
while we think it so grand..
Just five specks of smallness,
This soft quiet land.
So frail and so fleeting,
in the end you will see
Simple dreams were Horatio's philosophy.

For all the truth,
all creation,
all secrets of yore
Can be told in an instant,
by then they're no more.

Ah, The Unexplainable
All worries unsettled,
heartache unresolved..
All questions unanswered,
with death, shall be solved.

We already teeter,
this sheer cliff so high.
When we fall to corruption,
insecurities die.

To end is to start;
to surrender is to know.

Despair and depression,
together they grow.
Hope shall meet hopeless
when there's nowhere to go.

Misao Fujimura, 1903.

2010-08-27T14:50:00.000+08:00

Cukuplah Allah sebagai tuhanku.

2010-08-25T21:59:00.000+08:00

We were lost for 3 hours trying to find Orchard Road. When we were looking for Geylang, it only took us 10 minutes.

21 August 2010.
Geylang Rd.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + Anjing kurap menyalak di tengah Geylang, hidup bertuah siapa yang tak kenal erti hutang.

2010-08-21T00:09:00.000+08:00

June 2010.
Jalan Hang Jebat.
Zenit-E + Helios-44-2 58/2 + Lucky SHD 100 + 4 o'clock in the afternoon.

Love & Sex

2010-08-20T07:01:00.003+08:00

The whole world need to stop worrying about young women not getting married. There are more things to worry about to be honest. There are probably more intelligent women in Malaysia then there are men, let them contribute to the economy. The last time I check, there was no shortage of babies in Malaysia.

A lot of people believe, and throw the phrase 'jodoh pertemuan di tangan Tuhan' ad nauseum, but when they found out that a someone is getting married to a married man, becoming a second wife, they'll all go, 'laa.. dah takde lelaki lain dah ke nak kahwin?'. That phrase is, of course also usable when someone is getting married to a person outside of their race. So I guess it's not 'jodoh pertemuan di tangan Tuhan' unless you say so?

How sure are you that it wasn't their jodoh to be that man's second wife? Or the wife of a duda anak tiga?

*

A few months back I worked at this place, making videos about baby dumping, the one that's airing on Astro Oasis now. I for one don't quite agree with throwing the capital punishment just yet onto those who committed that offense, and I know quite well that it is really a foul and despicable act for a human being, mothers and fathers to do to their offspring. Why? Because the road leading to the dumpsters, backalleys and lubang jambans where these babies are left to die is paved with ignorance.

We said no to sexual education in school while modern age moms and dads are too busy making money. We convinced ourselves that the Internet is the problem so we blocked all the porn sites yet still people are getting jiggy with it.

Oh no. What else could we blame?

Blame yourselves.

Here's a thing to ponder: Have you ever wondered how animals know how to reproduce? It's in their nature, right? Of course! So then, is sex not in our nature too?

Cis! Kita manusia la Hadi! Tuhan bagi kita akal. Kita bukan setaraf dengan binatang! Celaka kau!

Yeah, sure. So then why are we leaving sex as something for our kids to discover for themselves, like how animals do, when we have the wisdom to teach them what is right and wrong knowing that our kids too have the wisdom to understand what is right and wrong?

So, in quite a harsh tone, is it safe to say that the persons who are against teaching sex to kids too are acting like animals?

Sexual education isn't about screening Backdoor Sluts 9 to boys and girls, and telling them to get into pairs, strip each other naked and spend the next hour fucking their brains out. Most sexual education programs I've read from the supposedly decadent West actually splits the children according to their gender à la us Muslims so that each gender, the fairer and the smellier might learn more in depth about what they have down there without all the eews.

That doesn't sound so bad eh? Well of course, not everything that has the word sex in it is bad. I go to a unisex salon, write male as my sex in government forms and measure the angle between any two visible objects using a sextant.

But then again, yeah.. they are the West. Immoral lot aren't they, with their individualism and egalitarian lifestyle? How dare I compare us, with our Eastern values to them? They drink, call their fathers by their first names, have casual sex and actually having the guts to block Israeli ships from docking at their harbour? We have our Dasar Pandang Ke Timur!

Dasar Pandang Ke Timur. Heh. Have you people seen how bizarre the porn is in Japan?

*

Oh yeah, to all future mother-in-laws, you can ask us to pay thousands of dollars for your daughter's hand, but don't for one moment think that that amount of money is her true value. If you have to ask a few hundred more just so your daughter gets more than your neighbor's daughter, then I'll ask you to take a long, deep look into your daughter's eyes and tell her that she's just an object for your ego.

This commercialization of love is sickening.

2010-08-19T17:03:00.000+08:00

Dia berwajah masam dan berpaling
Kerana seorang buta telah datang kepadanya
Dan tahukan engkau barangkali dia ingin menyucikan dirinya
Atau dia ingin mendapatkan pengajaran, yang memberi manfaat kepadanya?
Adapun orang yang merasakan dirinya serba cukup
Maka engkau memberi perhatian kepadanya
Padahal tidak ada cela atasmu kalau dia tidak menyucikan diri
Dan adapaun orang yang datang kepadamu dengan bersegera
Sedang dia takut
Engkau telah mengabaikannya
Sekali-kali jangan! Sesungguhnya itu satu peringatan

80:1-11

2010-08-18T21:00:00.000+08:00

June 2010.
Jalan Pudu.
Zorki-4 + Industar-50 50/2 + Lucky SHD 100 + You can do it.

AM

2010-08-16T01:18:00.001+08:00

I tuned into the AM frequency on night and out of the billion songs on God's fertile earth, 'Kalau Bulan Bisa Ngomong' was playing.

Thank you DJ.

I was driving home from somewhere and I came to a point that I got annoyed with all the radio stations. Weird actually, usually I'm only annoyed with the various morning shows and their wide variety of prank calls antics. Our collective creativity is surely somewhere down the drain that we think we need to do prank calls just because every other station have it. Oh, okay. Kudos then to XFM for their quasi-English classes in the morning. Quasi because if they really do it well, they themselves could better their English and stop pronouncing Pop Shuvit as Pop Shovit.

Oh oh, maybe the ought to have an Islamic segment too, you know, so they can learn how to say 'Astaghfirullahalazim' properly.

This was well after midnight and BFM usually devote their entire airtime to play slow Malay numbers; jazzs, ballads and the likes. Most nights it's quite nice actually, soothing although I think I'm sure that they only do that to get by the law since their day time playlist is mostly foreign songs. Still, good foreign songs I might add, from the 1990s where music was still sensible and deep unlike the songs we get these days which are mostly sex, sex and booty shaking.

If that sorta music is your cup of Darjeeling on a lazy Monday morning, then I feel bad for you.

Oh, and Lady Gaga is just what? In a few years, we will all look back at 2010 and wonder why the fuck did we gave that women so much attention.

Remember Amy Winehouse? Me neither.

Well, then again, to each their own right? Who am I to say you what's good for you? Not everyone listen to music for reasons almost spiritual. Some people just want to shake their heads. Or body. Or booty. Haha.

Remember Kurt Cobain?

2010-08-12T17:25:00.000+08:00

Tok Wan passed away today 12 years ago, here in Pokok Sena, Penang.

*

Selamat berpuasa.

Marching Hammers

2010-08-07T13:30:00.000+08:00

So ya thought ya might like to go to the show.
To feel the warm thrill of confusion, that space cadet glow.
I got me some bad news for you, Sunshine.
Pink isn't well, he stayed back at the hotel,
And he sent us along as a surrugate band.
We're gonna find out where you fans really stand.
Are there any queers in the theatre tonight?
Get 'em up against the wall. -- 'Gainst the wall!
And that one in the spotlight, he don't look right.
Get him up against the wall. -- 'Gainst the wall!
And that one looks Jewish, and that one's a coon.
Who let all this riffraff into the room?
There's one smoking a joint, and another with spots!
If I had my way I'd have all of ya shot.

Pink Floyd The Wall, 1982.

2010-08-04T15:18:00.000+08:00

Birkin & Gainsbourg

Ghosts at midnight

2010-07-30T02:19:00.001+08:00

Nothing on the top but a bucket and a mop. And an illustrated book about birds. You see a lot up there but don't be scared. Who needs action when you got words?

*

The biggest issue I have with the idea of ghosts coming out to haunt you when the clock strikes midnight is simple: timezone. So okay, say you are living somewhere along the Malaysian bank of Sungai Golok in Kelantan and you you take a peek at your watch and hey, it's midnight! Oh my god! So scary! I better cross the river and get into Thailand; it's only 11 o'clock there. Hurry hurry hurry!

Phewh. That was close.

So there you are, chilling at a bar in Golok, looking at the horrors that's happening across in Malaysia. Oh look, it's almost midnight in Thailand, I better swim back to Malaysia. Hantu Siam a lot more scary weyh!

But wait, at what time do ghosts go back into hiding after their ghoulish spree at midnight? Subuh? Okay, cool. Subuh should be at the same time on either bank of the Golok. But isn't that quite unfair to the Siamese ghosts? They get to scare people for 1 hour less than their Malaysian counterpart.

So okay, maybe you could argue that since the Siamese ones are more badass, they can do the same job as the Malaysian ones in less time. Of course, as history shows, Thailand was never invaded by foreign power while we Malaysians got screwed 4 times over.

One of them came on fucking bicycles some more! Damn hipsters.

Here's another thing to take note. Remember how our elders used to remind us that during their time, they woke up as early as 4 in the morning and petang-petang they would stop playing and come running back to the house at 6 o'clock. You know, to show how kids back then are better behaved than our degenerate generation?

Well, here's the thing that is often left unmentioned. Time in Malaysia hasn't always been 8 hours ahead of Greenwich. Up until the break of the Second World War, our time was somewhere between 7 to 7 and a half hours ahead of Greenwich. When the Japanese came, it was 9 hours because Yamashita don't want to reset his watch. Then the British came and changed it back to 7 and a half until finally Mahathir on New Year's Eve 1981, pushed it to 8 hours ahead of Greenwich. Why? Because 8 is auspicious. If you don't believe me, why don't you spend a few minutes pondering how much Malaysia has developed since 1981.

Told you. It has got nothing to do with the lands we invade across the South China Sea. But unfortunately kiasu Singapore said, "How come Malaysia that side is half an hour faster than us meh? Cannot! We also must change our time lor!"

So they did, and so they too got prosperous. Haish!

So anyway, depending on which generation group that said elder came from, their midnight could've been our 12.30, 1.00 or even 2.00 a.m! So back to our ghastly topic, you can see how much more problematic this is to the whole notion of ghosts coming out at midnight to haunt you.

The coup de grace is of course, when you consider the fact that there is always somewhere on God's earth that is currently experiencing midnight. You know, because the Earth is a almost a perfect sphere and it rotates on its axis as it revolves around the Sun and all that? So that means that there are always ghosts going around scaring people at all times?

Doesn't that defeats the whole purpose of the notion that ghosts come out at midnight to haunt you silly?

Pangung Indonesia

2010-07-29T13:07:00.001+08:00

Jika seseorang yang paling kamu takuti, melarang kamu untuk membuka sebuah pintu, jangan pernah buka pinta itu.

Pintu Terlarang. 2009.

Grey areas

2010-07-27T04:24:00.004+08:00

Back when I was young, drivers would flash their high beam to warn the drivers on the opposite side of the road about speedtraps or police roadblocks up ahead.

These days drivers flash their high beam to tell the driver in front of them to get the fuck out of their way.

*

I was at The Gardens MidValley parking, lining up to pay the ticket at the autopay machine. There on the screen is written: Change is possible.

Change is possible.

A utilitarian information with a rather thought provoking message. I'm weird, I've been told.

There's this one Angels & Airwaves song in their first album called 'It Hurts'. In the chorus, Tom Delonge repeatedly said "Your bestfriend is not your girlfriend". Not something that you want to tell your girlfriend, isn't it? As the title suggests, it hurts.

But then again, what is he really trying to say? Your bestfriend is not your girlfriend. Here's a scenario. Your name is Adam, your girlfriend is Sarah and your bestfriend is Sam. Let's apply that to 'Your bestfriend is not your girlfriend'.

Your bestfriend is not Sarah.

Ouch. But then again, it can also mean something like this.

Sam is not your girlfriend.

Somehow I like to think that the latter is more interesting, deeper, more thought provoking. I could be wrong, but don't all artistes leave the interpretations of their work to their audience?

If that is so then, I'm right.

Your bestfriend is not your girlfriend, so don't treat them like one. Whatever that means and however you define it. Of course, this would be easier when your bestfriend is your girlfriend isn't it?

Anyway, that song came from an album called "We Don't Need to Whisper". It was released after Tom's split with his bandmates from Blink-182; Mark and Travis. The both of them went to start another band called +44 and released their own album called "When Your Heart Stops Beating".

We don't need to whisper when your heart stops beating.

I like to not believe in coincidence.

Of course, they got back together and promised to release a brand new album last summer. One summer later, we're still waiting. Just because someone said something, it doesn't mean that they mean it nor does it always mean what you think it means.

Somehow I think I got the grammar wrong in that last sentence.

There's always grey areas in a person's action. Yeah, I guess this is probably what I was writing about. Grey areas. Or is it gray areas?

Gray is a color.

Grey is a colour.

Oh, why bother.

A friend getting married

2010-07-26T16:59:00.001+08:00

.. makes a hundred other friends merry.

Congratulations to Fadhli Tahar. A prefect, house captain, scholar, footballer and now, husband.

25 July 2010.
Titiwangsa.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + Friends will be friends, right to the end.

Alter Ego

2010-07-23T20:40:00.000+08:00

Superman didn't become Superman. Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he's Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red "S", that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears - the glasses, the business suit - that's the costume. That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent. He's weak... he's unsure of himself... he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race.

Kill Bill Vol II.

Bottled Promises

2010-07-22T04:00:00.000+08:00

Beautiful Girls (1996).

Lessons

2010-07-21T00:34:00.000+08:00

Don't burn down your bridges.

Most grudges are not worth keeping.

Beggars can't be choosers.

2010-07-20T02:01:00.000+08:00

April 2010.
Jalan Putra & Jalan Tun Ismail.
Zorki-4 + Industar-50 50/2 + Lucky SHD 100 + Peluh si proletariat.

Rant

2010-07-17T22:13:00.001+08:00

I believe that European countries and its people whining about immigrants and the problems they cause to simple flip open their history books and read how they themselves, a few hundred years ago, went to distant foreign lands and fucked the people there.

You took people's land, you enslaved them, you robbed their gold, you burned their houses, you raped their women, you destroyed their religion, you erased their language, you forced them to accept your culture as you shunned and banned their own.

Wicked isn't it?

So now, what is it with these immigrants that you hate so much? They speak their own language, yes, but they don't force you to speak it. What's the big deal about that? They dresses up differently than you but they don't expect you to follow suit. What's the big deal about that? They worship gods that are unfamiliar to you, but they didn't burn down your church and drag you into their places of worship. What's the big deal about that?

They came to your land to earn a living. What's the big deal about that?

Surely you liberal, well-educated people from the most civilized lands on this sphere don't really believe that globalization is a one way street do you? As idealistic and progressive as you might be, you are still backwards in a lot of things.

Wake up and smell the coffee. Karma's a bitch isn't it?

2010-07-15T11:05:00.000+08:00

Hawa tercipta di dunia
Untuk menemani sang Adam
Begitu juga dirimu
Tercipta tuk temani aku

Julai 2010.
Melaka.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + Merpati sedjoli, hari-hari begini.

Social Experiment

2010-07-12T15:57:00.004+08:00

2010-07-12T03:47:00.001+08:00

Giants fall, winners lose, friends hurt each other bad. People change, time moves on.

May 2010.
Puduraya.
Zorki-4 + Industar-50 50/2 + Lucky SHD 100 + Yesterday's news.

31 in 55

2010-07-10T20:27:00.005+08:00

I was doing this video last month, a video kesedaran on the issue of buang bayi. In the video, there was this one segment about happy families, that showcases how some people really value and treasure their offsprings, eventhough they face tremendous hardships in bringing them up.

A family that has to deal with a son that is handicapped, a women whose husband kidnapped their child and flew the boy away to Europe and of course, families living in poverty.

I was scrubbing through some footage while a friend beside me was cutting up a part about one-such poverty stricken family. After a while, he played the footage. It was of a father, in some village up north in the peninsula.

Kita miskin kan? Kadang-kadang tu saya rasa sedih la bila anak mintak kita belikan apa-apa barang, tapi kita tak mampu nak beli.. Ye la kan, barang macam.. nasik goreng..

Nasik goreng. I stopped doing my work and asked my friend to replay the video.

Wow.

Nasik goreng.

Back when I was in high school my buddies and I makan nasik goreng almost on a daily basis. It was a no-brainer choice. Simple, fast, tasty, cheap.

Apparently cheap is subjective. Relative.

Sometimes we don't know how lucky we are. We grumble when our parents won't buy us that Nike Air Presto, or when they told us to get As in exams before thinking about buying us that PlayStation, when they are people who have to save money just to buy their kids nasik goreng.

Sure, it's not your fault that you're born rich. It's not your fault that you're born poor either. But either way, I guess as clichéd as it is, we should learn to appreciate.

Wanting what you have and you'll have what you want.

I guess I need to learn that. No.. live that.

*

Fa-biayyi alaa'i Rabbi kuma tukadzdzi ban?

Maka nikmat Tuhanmu yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?

La bisyay-in min alaika Rabbî akdzibu.

Tidak ada satu pun nikmat-Mu, duhai Tuhanku, yang aku dustakan.

Insyaallah. Alhamdulillah.

Tarantino

2010-07-08T23:01:00.005+08:00

Five people fighting for the same job couldn't have been any more amiable then how we were this morning.

I got a phone call early this week asking me to drop by for an interview at a production house that needs an editor. I said yes, of course.

So today morning I drove my Satria to one of the Damansaras early for the interview. When I got there. the receptionist gave me a piece of paper with a few personality questions printed on it, not unlike the ones you'd find in those girly magazines.

Your presence bring life to the crowd. Agree/Disagree.

Disagree.

You enjoy talking to strangers. Agree/Disagree.

Hurm...

At the end of it they even asked me to totaled up my points, which I happen to get 45 and three quarters. Unfortunately, unlike the magazines they never told me what sort of person I was. So sad..

Anyway, after that the nice lady took me back into the boardroom which was interestingly named 'Tarantino'. I was thinking that I would probably get a chance to ask the what does Marcellus Wallece look like. Probably.

Seated inside the rather empty and cold room was another lady, her spectacled eyes turned to focus on me. Okay, third lady interviewer in seven months. Interesting.. So I walked in, put my envelope on the table and excused myself.

Anxiety.

"I wanna go wash up for a bit, hold on", I said and out I went towards the washroom with a rather naughty sign of a stick figure boy peeking at a stick figure girl. Cool company.

After a couple of minutes I got back in the boardroom and sat down at the seat on one end of the table. That's the nearest, and I was rather pragmatic. The lady was still there, her eyes still ever focussed on me as if she was waiting for me to say something smart. Instinctively I put both my hand on the table while rubbing them together and said, "So..."

"Hi, my name is Susan (bukan nama sebenar), and I was called to come to this interview for the post of video editor" she said.

"Oh, cool.. okay" I replied. She's not the interviewer, she's here for the job too. "Where were you before?"

"I was working at This Company since the last few years"

"Oh nice, I really like that magazine you guys make" I said. "Why did you quit then?"

"Oh, they closed shop. We were all retrenched" she replied. "That magazine too. It won't be printed anymore"

"Really? Alaaa..", too bad I guess. I just bought a copy yesterday and it doesn't really show any sign of getting discontinued. Maybe that's why I couldn't find it at Kinokuniya.

Then, dead air. I suddenly at lost of things to ask her as my mind wonders to whether what she said was true. I didn't read anything about it in the news. But then again, I don't really read financial news much. Well, at all actually.

But but.. I listen to BFM News daily. I didn't hear anything about that there. What's gonna happen to Tapai?

Then as I was rocking the chair back and forth, staring at the ceiling lost in my thought, she broke the silence.

"It quite a nice place you have here"

Wait, what?

"It looks very professional, it's quite a big company right?"

Oh..

"Err.. you thought I was interviewing you is it? Hahah.. I'm so sorry! I'm here for the job too!" that was probably what I thought I said. At this sort of embarrassing moments you can't really be sure.

Wait, why was I embarrassed? Oh well. It happened.

"Laa.. Haha. I thought you're the boss or something, you know, with you sitting at that chair instead of this many other chairs" she said, her face now flushed red. "No wonder you're quiet je, macam blur"

"Well, to be honest at first I thought you were going to interview me"

"Ah, then we're on the same boat la" she said. Lega I guess.

"Shh, let's not tell anyone"

"Agreed"

Then a few minutes later came in another guy, thankfully he announced as he stepped in that he's here for the interview, so no one needs to guess.

Then, another guy, and another guy.

So there we were, five people for one post, sitting together in a room, each examining the other to see who got the upper hand, sizing each other up. Cool. This is the first time I've been to a non-solo interview. Most of my other interviews were just me and the bosses chit-chatting.

The clock is at 11:30 and yet there's still no interview going on. We got bored so we started to talk and talk and talk until at one point I imagined that the boss would just come in and say something like, "Okay, thank you for participating for the interview. We're developing a new form of interview where we remotely monitor how you guys interact with each other total strangers whom you know is after the same job as you. You can go back now and we'll let you know".

My eyes began to scan the room for any such device, hopefully poorly concealed inside the aircon like the one in Nasha's home or something.

Too bad that didn't happen. The boss came in soon after and quickly trimmed the selection down to just two guys in a matter of some 10 minutes. Bang bang bang, ending all tensions just like one of those Tarantino's signature Mexican standoff.

But then again, what tension?

For 40 minutes, five strangers sat together, talked and laughed. Enjoying each other's company. Now, why can't the world try to be that simple for once?

Five people fighting for the same job couldn't have been any more amiable then how we were this morning.

Thinking back at the questionnaire:

You enjoy talking to strangers. Agree/Disagree.

Agree.

So at the end, I didn't get to ask the boss what does Marcellus Wallace look like, but I did get some much needed laughs and a rather nice experience to remember.

That and someone thinks that I have a boss-like swagger.

Nice.

Thanks people!

*

Benjamin #1

2010-07-06T22:36:00.000+08:00

May 2010.
The Attic.
Zorki-4 + Industar-50 50/2 + Lucky SHD 100 + Anton Corbijn.

2010-07-05T17:39:00.000+08:00

You can't always be the flavour of the week.
Sometimes you've got to make yourself be a discontinued flavour.
A well-loved discontinued flavour.

The things I did when I was young

2010-07-05T01:05:00.000+08:00

Not failing.

Yes, sure.. I never passed my Add Maths, but I was sure that I was damned good at other things that other people couldn't quite comprehend yet, or ever.

The beauty that lies in a thin straight line, in the curves of a serif font, in the sharp edge of a sans serif, in a dash of colour amidst a sea of black, in a plain white page.

Man, I used to love it when I can see something that others can't. It makes me feel special. Smart.

Nowadays, I kinda realize that some people just don't care for all this.

It makes me wonder what use is being knowledgeable when there's no one but yourself to appreciate it. Have you been in that situation when you know that something is different than what people think it is, but you're just too damn afraid to speak it out loud because you know that everyone will just shoot you at the very end of your syllable?

Like saying that the legal age of consent in Malaysia is 16 when everyone else is goddamn sure it's 18.

Like knowing that Jose Mourinho's name is properly pronounced Jose, not Hose, because he's Portuguese, not Spanish

Like telling people that more megapixels in camera means worse image quality when they ask your opinion on a purchase.

You know, those situations?

Of course you've been; everyone has. Everyone tried pointing the truth at least once, and everyone has had their share of being shot down.

Maybe that's the problem with the world. The people who knows are too afraid to speak up and the people who don't know, are full of themselves and won't listen.

Here's the thing I see.

Some people, we are only as good as the circle we are in. You're an average writer, but you are in a circle of people whom mostly are poor writers. In their eyes, you are excellent. They keep telling you this over and over, and over and over, you came to believe them. When that happen, you think all the things you pen down are a masterpiece, worth quoting by the world's some odd 6 billions.

Before you know it, your quality drops because you are so sure of yourself. You no longer think that you're making any mistakes. You no longer think that you need to know more.

The same goes for photographers, those people who has only been holding a camera for a few months but everyone around them are calling them a sifu.

I guess it's okay to be the sifu among your peers, but don't ever swallow the recognition whole. You're the best of your circle, that's great, but there are many other circles around you. You'll never know when you'll be sucked into any of those, and suddenly finding yourself at the very bottom of your game.

How could this ever happen? You then get frustrated. Then you give up.

Because you got full of yourself, you stop searching, you stop wondering, you stop trying, you stop failing, you got content.

Be thankful, sebab bersyukur itu wajib, but don't be content. Even our prophet told us to search for knowledge, even if it means having to go to the very edge of the Orient.

So what does all this pseudo-self help ego talk has to do with the things I did when I was young? Because back then I was in that circle and I did everything I know now is wrong. The moment I stepped out of it, I fell and until now I'm trying to get back on my feet.

Sure, some things you know and do means nothing to everyone else. Don't stop sharing. Even if it means that everyone else is going to disagree.

We'll never know.

2010-07-03T23:53:00.001+08:00

Four goals again and again. Maybe it's about time for a fourth star above that eagle?

Viel Glück Deutschland!

Passing Ports

2010-07-03T12:41:00.005+08:00

It's called passports because you need them to pass 'ports.

I'm a sucker for the romantics of traveling; luggage tags and stickers on bags, immigration stamps on passports. So that's why I was rather frustrated back in January when I was crossing borders in Europe. Apparently the European Union acts like a single country: you don't just enter Germany via Frankfurt, you enter Europe via Frankfurt.

Crossing from Germany into France doesn't quite feel like crossing into a different country, it feels like taking the train from KL to Ipoh (albeit much much faster of course). Crossing into Spain from France on the other hand, is much more scary, with the border police taking our passports away for checks and asking as questions after questions, all while keeping the train and everyone else on the platform.

So through the end of the trip, I only have one stamp for Europe; in via Frankfurt, out via Frankfurt.

A few years back while I was stamping out of Jakarta, the immigration guy asked me, "Mas, ada uang kopi ngak?", apparently hoping that I deposit him with my last few rupiahs.

Too bad I still have that keeping foreign money hobby.

In Bangkok, my friends told me that they were passing free condoms to everyone going out of the terminal, which I somehow missed. Back when you are 16, these things interest you much isn't it?

The flight on the other hand was quite interesting though, albeit a tad queer with the plane conductors, oh I mean, stewards.. stewards doing a quiz show to some hundred tired, bored and suffocating passengers.

On Lufthansa en route from Doha to Frankfurt, a German steward (yes, steward) was nice enough to give me a rather personal attention like feeding me with sandwiches every 15 minutes, asking me if everything was good and such. All because I said "Danke schön" when he passed me the headphones. He asked me back "Ihnen sprachen deutsch" or something as such. "Nien", I said. He smiled as he walked away and boom, came the sandwiches!

For a few brief moments, high above Saudi Arabia's Rub-al-Khali, I felt thankful that I learnt that phrase from a Dutch chemical engineer a few years back on that KLM back home from Jakarta.

"Ah, you learned that from your friend ya?", said that stunning Dutch stewardess, all smiling and glowing to us both. Somehow that does happen when you hearing bit and pieces of your language spoken by a foreign tongue, like when I was browsing through the bundles in Bangkok and one of the shop owners walked to me and said, "Hok ni buleh kure lagi be".

Dank u wel, meneer.

That prompted me to go ballistic when on the Qatar en route to KLIA, the snobbish (Malaysian, thank you very much) crew somehow 'forgot' to send refreshment to my entire row, then not responding when I clicked on the stick figure with a cup button, again and again, only to act panic when one hungry Arab guy got up, walked to the back and scolded them.

Which is nice actually since prior to the flight they announced over the PA that "We at Qatar are dedicated to provide you the best service. If you have anything to complain, please do ask for our Customer Satisfaction card". Oh, of course I did.

"You have the better plane, the seat smells new, the buttons all works, your music library is epic and that funky neon lights are cool. Yet, I had more fun on Lufthansa".

Oh I don't care if they tore up the card. I feel good. Somehow my Kelantan genes are hard at work that day, if you know what I mean.

But then again, I do miss holding hands with the Malaysia Airlines stewardess as she walked me all the way from the terminal to my seat. She too gave me undivided attention on my short flight from Alor Setar to KL.

Maybe because back then I was a young passenger traveling alone. Heh.

Chuck Palahniuk in Fight Club wrote about single serving friends. Those people you know from the small talks on flights. Thinking about that I guess I don't mind having single serving friends, and being one myself. Our memories of them are pure, simply based on that few hours that we know each other. And then it's over. You remember the deeds, not the faces, not the names. Sometimes you would wonder more about them; who they are, what they actually do. But how are you to know? They then become a mystery and that makes it all more beautiful.

Just like the night when Ted Mosby met Victoria over at Claudia's wedding. Before he ruined it all.

2010-06-30T22:41:00.000+08:00

21 June 2010.
Rawang.
Nikon D40 + Helios 44-2 58/2 + Adobe Lightroom + Fresh and rotten.

2010-06-30T04:14:00.000+08:00

Stop.

2010-06-29T15:15:00.000+08:00

June 2010.
Sungei Wang.
Nikon D700 + Nikkor 50/1.2 + Childhood delight.

2010-06-28T14:59:00.000+08:00

March 2010.
Taman Permata.
Olympus OM-10 + OM Zuiko 50/1.4 + Fuji Sensia 100 + a steep climb indeed.

2010-06-27T23:53:00.000+08:00

Kita merangkak ke ufuk langit merah
Hati kita masih biru dan basah
Resah
Tapi belum kalah

2010-06-22T10:50:00.000+08:00

20 June 2010.
Awang Roti Canai, Bukit Beruang, Melaka.
Apple iPhone + Photoshop Mobile + A new day begins.

Jam 12:13. Masih di pejabat

2010-06-17T00:13:00.000+08:00

Kita rasa hebat dengan apa yang kita ada, harta benda kita yang lebih agung, lebih sempurna dari apa yang dia ada. Itu fitrah kejadian manusia, walaupun Nabi kita ajar semua itu dosa, tetap kita suka.

Hidup senang, hidup mewah. Hidup.

Earn a living orang Inggeris kata. Memiliki satu kehidupan.

I work my heads off to earn myself a living. Aku kerja bagai nak gila untuk hidup.

Kalau kita tak kerja, kita tak hidup?

Dalam bahasa Jerman katanya 'Arbeit macht frei'. Work liberates. Kerja itu pembebasan.

Mungkin. Pembebasan dari kedaifan, pembebasan dari bergantung diri. Pembebasan dari menggantung diri sendiri?

Tak juga. Di kilang Foxconn di China pekerja-pekerjanya kebelakangan ini banyak yang bunuh diri. Kerja mereka bergaji, tempat kerja mereka mewah, ada kolam renang, ada panggung wayang, makan ditanggung, kediaman ditanggung, pengangkutan ditanggung.

Jadi kenapa leher-leher liat mereka tangan sendiri yang gantung?

Bukankah kerja itu pembebasan?

2010-06-16T23:04:00.001+08:00

15 June 2010.
Kota Damansara.
Apple iPhone + Mill Colour + There's an interesting photo opportunity 10 meters around you. Always.

2010-06-07T05:21:00.000+08:00

16 May 2010.
Bagan Nahkoda Omar.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + And would it pay you more to walk on water than to wear a crown of thorns?

The Bee

2010-06-06T01:56:00.000+08:00

On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

Chuck Palahniuk said that. He wasn't the only one person that understood that. Carl Sagan visualised that same notion by focussing the lens of the spacecraft Voyager onto where Earth was and snapped that iconic photo known as 'The Pale Blue Dot'. This country, the land you fought for, the things you hold dear, that beautiful sight you see, that someone you hate, that house you built, that car you drive. In the grand scheme of things, insignificant.

Or is it? Let's think about it. That spaceship itself, at that very edge of our solar system, that travelled that many lightyears, recording and beaming information, that snapped that photo of home so far away, came from that supposedly insignificant pale blue dot.

Amazing isn't it? So what is insignificance then? Come to think about it, what is significance? Van Gogh was never popular when he was alive. Only after he took his own life, and his brother Theo's help in going around promoting his work did he ever achieve his popularity.

Now, let's consider another painting, by an unknown artist, an amateur who paints out of his love for it. His painting is cherished, loved and admired by his loved ones and was hung in the living room, over the fireplace, and was the subject of conversation to anyone who came about seeing it. When he die, the painting moves into obscurity, stuffed into the attic for years gathering dust and on one fine day, sold at a yard sale for a couple of dollars.

Is it worth doing things hoping for a return, one day, eventhough you yourself might not be alive enough to see the lights of it?

Is it worth doing things that lasts a short moment, enjoyed and love, yet with sure knowledge that after a while, it will all be gone and forgotten?

That bee lived its life and died in my bedroom. An insignificant insect dying an insignificant death. Yet through some logic his dead body was gorgeous enough to be photographed and shared with the whole world. Amidst all that, that empty shell that was itself, the insect, invoked the mind of a human being, to question on things such as mortality and the pursuit of living a life.

Therefore, is it silly for me to say that his shell of a dead bee, is perhaps as significant as that photo Voyager 1 took 20 years ago, millions of lightyears away?

Perhaps.

And thy Lord taught the Bee to build its cells in hills, on trees, and in (men's) habitations; Then to eat of all the produce (of the earth), and find with skill the spacious paths of its Lord: there issues from within their bodies a drink of varying colours, wherein is healing for men: verily in this is a Sign for those who give thought.

68-69, An-Nahl (The Bee)

*

Nikon D40 kit + reversed Helios 44-2 58/2

2010-05-15T22:22:00.000+08:00

Meow.

14 May 2010.
Melaka.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + Maybank.

2010-05-15T11:23:00.000+08:00

31 enero 2010.
Plaza Mayor, Madrid.
Nikon D40 + AF-S Nikkor 55-200 VR + Adobe Lightroom + Laughter is universal.

2010-05-10T14:12:00.000+08:00

29 enero 2010.
Palacio Real, Madrid.
Nikon D40 + AF-S Nikko 55-200 VR + Adobe Lightroom + Art imitates nature.

2010-05-05T03:24:00.001+08:00

3 Februar 2010.
Brandenburger Tor U-Bahn.
Nikon D40 + AF-S Nikkor 55-200 VR + Adobe Lightroom + You lead, I might follow.

2010-05-02T15:44:00.000+08:00

23 September 2009.
Masjid Serendah.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + Benjamin Ujang James Gumbang.

2010-05-02T02:00:00.008+08:00

Matahari enggan turun hari ini; hatinya masih cemburu dengan bumi

Maka tergantung ia sejengkal di ufuk sana

Mencurah jingganya ke biruan langit
Maka saat itu rembulan tunduk meratapi

Demi kehangatan malam dan kegelapan yang menyelubungi

Hakikat yang kita semua punya penyakit di hati

Ah, tetapi matahari tidak kan pernah peduli

Hanya dia untuk bumi

Kerana silaunya ia hidup; kerana bahangnya ia mati

Cis, rembulan kau yang tak pernah bersyukur!

Jangan harap kan bersinar lagi

Pergi

Lalu demikian bulan berlayar

Bulan belayar entah kemana

Entah kemana entah kenapa

Hilang imbangan hancur semua

23 Mac 2010.

Rawang.

Behind Every Man

2010-05-02T00:43:00.000+08:00

20 May 2009.
C13-4-3, Putra Permai.
Nikon D40 + Helios-44-2 58/ƒ2 +Adobe Lightroom + Behind every Ben.

2010-04-30T11:15:00.002+08:00

Takkan ku menyerah kalah,
walau mimpi ku musnah,
harapan ku hancur,
sayapku patah.

2010-04-27T01:28:00.002+08:00

Come out and play make up the rules
I know I hope to buy the truth
It's not enough to save you
Oh no i'm not afraid of you

Hello, hello, hello, how low?

The Berlin Wall

2010-04-25T14:34:00.000+08:00

Deutsche Jugend, bestes Streben
unsres Volks in dir vereint,
wirst du Deutschlands neues Leben.
Und die Sonne schön wie nie
über Deutschland scheint,
über Deutschland scheint.

2 Februar 2010.
Leipziger Straße.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + The Wall, the bear and the sun.

Orbs

2010-04-24T02:17:00.000+08:00

3 Februar 2010.
Alexanderplatz.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + Socialist art.

The Former Reich Air Ministry

2010-04-23T23:50:00.000+08:00

When it was finished in 1938, this building was the largest office building in Europe. Ironically while the rest of Berlin was flatted by Allied bombings, this important Nazi building survived.

Now, it's the office of the even scarier Finance Ministry!

2 Februar 2010.
Leipziger Straße and Prinz-Albrecht-Straße.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + Albert Speer can really design buildings.

P94

2010-04-20T23:08:00.001+08:00

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

30 April 2010.
Pekan Rawang.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + Selamat mengundi jiran-jiran di Hulu Selangor.

2010-04-15T21:56:00.000+08:00

Old scanner, old camera, old thread. All good.

HP PSC1200 All-in-One + Zenit-E + Sampin Kolej.

Resolute

2010-04-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

3 Februar 2010.
Brandenburg Gate, Berlin.
Nikon D40 + AF-S Nikkor 55-200 VR + Adobe Lightroom + Victory, over Paris.

Departure

2010-04-14T00:01:00.000+08:00

23 Januari 2010.
KLIA.
Nikon D40 + AF Nikkor 50/1.8 + Adobe Lightroom + Old & new.

The Pendulum

2010-04-12T04:06:00.002+08:00

2010-04-07T23:44:00.000+08:00

These last few months have been quite depressing to say the least. Mostly is because I'm unemployed, broke and still living off my parent's money, something that I aimed to stop once I finish my studies.

I'm one of the statistics.

You know, all those bad things and bad perception people have on people unemployed? Yeah, those things suddenly hurts. It was that I could just laugh it off. These days, I laugh it off all right, right before I get up and go somewhere to be alone.

All of the sudden, everything felt so wrong. I used to think that everything would come easy for me, as it always did before, and the one before that. It isn't quite like that now. Man I wish I still have that optimism that I used to have not 5 years ago.

Yeah, I know. Instead of bitching about it here, I should do something about it. Believe me I am. I really am. It's just that I kinda need to let it out, talk to someone about it, regardless who. If it's you, then thank you for merely reaching this line right here. I couldn't ask for more.