The things I did when I was young

Not failing.

Yes, sure.. I never passed my Add Maths, but I was sure that I was damned good at other things that other people couldn't quite comprehend yet, or ever.

The beauty that lies in a thin straight line, in the curves of a serif font, in the sharp edge of a sans serif, in a dash of colour amidst a sea of black, in a plain white page.

Man, I used to love it when I can see something that others can't. It makes me feel special. Smart.

Nowadays, I kinda realize that some people just don't care for all this.

It makes me wonder what use is being knowledgeable when there's no one but yourself to appreciate it. Have you been in that situation when you know that something is different than what people think it is, but you're just too damn afraid to speak it out loud because you know that everyone will just shoot you at the very end of your syllable?

Like saying that the legal age of consent in Malaysia is 16 when everyone else is goddamn sure it's 18.

Like knowing that Jose Mourinho's name is properly pronounced Jose, not Hose, because he's Portuguese, not Spanish

Like telling people that more megapixels in camera means worse image quality when they ask your opinion on a purchase.

You know, those situations?

Of course you've been; everyone has. Everyone tried pointing the truth at least once, and everyone has had their share of being shot down.

Maybe that's the problem with the world. The people who knows are too afraid to speak up and the people who don't know, are full of themselves and won't listen.

Here's the thing I see.

Some people, we are only as good as the circle we are in. You're an average writer, but you are in a circle of people whom mostly are poor writers. In their eyes, you are excellent. They keep telling you this over and over, and over and over, you came to believe them. When that happen, you think all the things you pen down are a masterpiece, worth quoting by the world's some odd 6 billions.

Before you know it, your quality drops because you are so sure of yourself. You no longer think that you're making any mistakes. You no longer think that you need to know more.

The same goes for photographers, those people who has only been holding a camera for a few months but everyone around them are calling them a sifu.

I guess it's okay to be the sifu among your peers, but don't ever swallow the recognition whole. You're the best of your circle, that's great, but there are many other circles around you. You'll never know when you'll be sucked into any of those, and suddenly finding yourself at the very bottom of your game.

How could this ever happen? You then get frustrated. Then you give up.

Because you got full of yourself, you stop searching, you stop wondering, you stop trying, you stop failing, you got content.

Be thankful, sebab bersyukur itu wajib, but don't be content. Even our prophet told us to search for knowledge, even if it means having to go to the very edge of the Orient.

So what does all this pseudo-self help ego talk has to do with the things I did when I was young? Because back then I was in that circle and I did everything I know now is wrong. The moment I stepped out of it, I fell and until now I'm trying to get back on my feet.

Sure, some things you know and do means nothing to everyone else. Don't stop sharing. Even if it means that everyone else is going to disagree.

We'll never know.