Sentimental tentang Lucy

I've just upgraded the RAM on this 4, 5 years old computer from the stock 256MB using another 256MB stick I found lying on the floor in my Sri Kembangan flat. It made a world of difference.

Just a friendly reminder to people thinking of getting quad-core, dual workstation graphic cards computer just for normal use. Maybe the only think you need to get that old computer to work better is just a cheap silicon stick. Maybe.


One day a few years back I was flipping through KLue, reading about cool things happening in KL. Then, I was in Kuala Kangsar. In there, I found an article about a band called Lucy in the Loo. Wow. With a name like that, they surely kick ass. I was more impressed when I learnt that the vocalist and the bassist are 2 ladies. Back then most underground band I knew about are fronted by screaming men. 

I went back to Rawang and on this computer, via dial up Internet I went to look for this band. It was tiring, cumbersomely slow but I waited for the songs to load on i-bands and listen to them one by one. I was hooked to Lucy.

So one day I was walking in One Utama. There used to be a Wondermilk shop there then at where the Beach shop now is, near the Rock Corner thing. I used to go there a lot, looking at CDs and getting to know bands such as Badly Drawn Boy and such. The stuffs were cool, cheap but I was still penny-less. Still I saw one think that I didn't have to think twice to purchase. A CD case, with a blue cover art of a girl holding a pair of scissors. People and Things.

I went back home and listened to it. In there, I was hooked to another song that managed to stay in my all time favourite playlist, along with Boxcar Racer's There Is and Manic Street Preacher's Your Love Alone Is Not Enough. Selamat Jalan. I love that song regardless of the fact that the recording was so-so and the voices are hard to understand . I love it.

Lucy was one of the main reason why I went to the last Rock The World 2 years ago. Lucy's slot was quite early, the sun was still up. From a far Alep and I managed to catch a glimpse of Hana with her rainbow strapped Strat. Alep had a crush on Hana. Haha.. After they performed we tried to gather some nerve to go and take a picture with Hana. She was literally a few meters away but the nerve never came and there was never a picture.. Oh well.

Anyway, a few years passed and more bands came in. I still keep on listening to Lucy's song in my laptop. It was only a few weeks back did I notice something when I look at gig flyers that I get: where is Lucy? So yesterday I opened their MySpace page and the headline read: RIP 2002-2007. Owh..

So yeah, it is kind of sad to know that a band I admire gone. Still I wish all the best for Hana, Syamil, Alijo and Zaza. Thanks for giving me a few great songs to live by. A few great song for the soundtrack of my life.

And oh, thank you for finally posting the lyrics for Selamat Jalan. I've been waiting for that for years. If I wake up tomorrow and magically know how to play a guitar, that's about the first few songs that I'll play.

Posted on Wednesday, May 28, 2008 | 4 comments

Pork and Beans

Imma do the things that i wanna do 
I ain't got a thing to prove to you 
I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans 
Excuse my manners if i make a scene 
I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like 
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside 
one look in the mirror and i'm tickled pink 
I don't give a hoot about what you think
Not that I eat pork and beans though. This video is a tribute to the YouTube Generation and the song embodies its spirit. This is what I love about Weezer.

Move aside you analogs, it is time for us digitals.
Posted on Sunday, May 25, 2008 | 0 comments


Here's what I'm currently working on. Scene 3, page 6 of my 20 something script for my scriptwriting class. It is a short story about 5 friends and a couch. It is called 'The Couch'. No kidding.

I actually developed this story with Ernest last year apart from 2 other stories; a story about a cardboard friend and a very rough idea of a story about a kid and a pink unicorn. Yes, yes.. I know it sounds funny. Still if people can pay RM10 to watch Meet The Spartans, Scary Movie and all that, why can't I write stories about pink unicorns? Don't get me started about black unicorns. Everyone knows that black unicorns doesn't exists right?

Man, I got a lot of work to get done..
Posted on Friday, May 23, 2008 | 1 comments


Gambar ini bukan staged. Emosinya asli, butir-butir air yang tergelincir di pipi juga tulin. Mata merah berair mengekori gerak sebuah motokar sedang ia bergerak jauh dan semakin jauh ke ufuk barat lalu hilang.

Masih muda dan masih kurus. Fizikal berubah, hati tetap sama.

Aku menangis bukan kerana motokar itu. Bukan juga kerana insan-insan di dalamnya. Aku menangis kerana aku dan kerana masa dan ketika itu. Jam 1.10 pm, 26 Oktober 2005.

Poyo, aku tau. Emosi kurang stabil. Hormon juga kacau bilau. Jangan risau, aku tak apa-apakan kau.

Boys don't cry konon. Berhentilah menipu diri sendiri. Tuhan kurniakan emosi, layanlah. Tapi ingat, karma police ada di mana-mana. Jaga-jaga!
Posted on Monday, May 19, 2008 | 5 comments

24 hours

There are 24 hours in a day. How could we all ever be fair?

I have a conflict of interest. It gets harder when I am not really in full control of how those 24 hours are to be utilized. While some of the hours are up to me there are also those where I have to mutually agree with others. Then there are also those hours where my hands are tied. Dictated. 

We humans think with our brain, but along the way it has to go through the heart. That is when it gets complicated. 
Posted on Saturday, May 17, 2008 | 0 comments


I believe in karma, what you give is what you get return
I believe you can't appreciate real love till you've been burned
Posted on Saturday, May 17, 2008 | 0 comments


Aku bangun pagi tadi, di kala matahari masih tersipu-sipu malu di ufuk ibu kota. Jauh di sudut pendengaran, sayup-sayup terdengar siulan anak-anak dagang, sudah sibuk mencari rezeki di bandar yang tak pernah reti untuk menghargai. Aku lihat telefon bimbitku, terdampar di tepi bantal. Ah, masih awal lagi. Aku pejamkan kembali mata-mata lesu ini.

Bangunlah Hadi. Sampai bila nak tidur?
Posted on Friday, May 16, 2008 | 0 comments
Your love alone is not enough.

What have you done to your hair?

If you tolerate this, then your children will be next.
Posted on Tuesday, May 13, 2008 | 1 comments

My adorable

Seorang lagi, sunyi.. aku benci. Tapi tadi hingar.. aku benci juga. Aku patut belajar bersyukur.

Jam di menubar kata sekarang jam 4.58 am. Aku di mana? Lagi 9 jam aku ada kelas scriptwriting. Story aku masih tergendala. Risau nak bagi orang baca, takut kalau-kalau mereka tak suka. You see, bagi aku lebih senang kalau aku tulis watak-watak aku berdasarkan kawan-kawan aku. Mudah aku nak bayangkan apa yang mereka akan cakap, bagaimana mereka react. 

Kawan-kawan aku semua superstar.

Personally aku pun tak pasti priorities aku apa. Dulu aku tak sabar nak cabut sticker segi empat merah tu dari cermin kereta aku, tapi masuk hari ni dah 5 hari aku tangguh.. Bilik aku masih lagi begitu, wawasan-wawasan aku pun dah kering, usaha usah ditanya. Realiti bukanlah sesuatu yang indah. Aku lebih gemar berfantasi.


Last week it was my turn to present on a topic I choose for media studies. I thought the topic sounds interesting.. until I sit down and read what it was really about. Taiwanese lesbian movement. The only Taiwanese I know is Wawa and she's straighter than any Cyberjaya street.


I finished my last slide 10 minutes before my turn to present. People say that I'm mad, I told them that from where I'm from, it's called lazy. I told myself it was Murphy's Law. Murphy told everyone it wasn't him. Oh well.

Suddenly as I was tightening the cables of the projector and the power cord, I heard a shriek, a thud and some more shriek. I turned around just in time to see my adorable 12" PowerBook G4 slam the concrete floor. It hit the ground corner first, lid-opened and running. Oh dear..

I feel famous for a while and like famous people, I did what they would do. I smiled and picked up my Mac with one hand and put it back where it was while saying "It's okay" again and again to the girl, frantically apologizing. I sit down and noticed the impact point being pushed inwards causing the bottom case to bent out creating a small opening between the upper part of the case and the bottom part. Oh well.. That thing need some ventilation anyway. Then I noticed my plug: it was inside the port and the light is still on. Normal only for the fact that it is now bent. Now I know why the new Macs have those magnetic cables for. I shrugged.. Oh well, as long as it still charges.

I moved my finger on the trackpad for a while, waiting for a response. There it was, my keynote presentation still up and running. Cun! I started to type my conclusion slides and in 10 minutes, I was presenting, the projector plugged into the laptop with no trouble at all. 

I was surprised. I was sad. I was amused. I was heartbroken. I regretted. This is what you get when you don't finish your work on time son!
Posted on Tuesday, May 13, 2008 | 0 comments

Batman & The Dark Knight

Posted on Saturday, May 10, 2008 | 0 comments


Kawan aku Bashir call aku semalam, nak tempat mengadu katanya. Aku tanya kenapa. Dia mula bercerita.

B: Aku benci la bro..
S: Kenapa?
B: Boss aku la.. time aku buat kerja bukan main bro, you're my best employee! You are champion la brother! You this, you that. Kau tau time pay dia kata apa?
S: Let me guess, you're a student? I hear that oh so often.
B: Yeap.. me too. I should've believe it when I hear it la.
S: Still, you have to go through it to experience it bro. Sejak bila kita dengar cakap orang?
B: Yeah.. true also.
S: So how? You tore the check and cabut lari?
B: Don't be stupid la Hadi. Apa aku dapat macam tu?
S: Kepuasan.. sementara. Haha..
B: Hurm.. Tah la bro, still money though. I'm still working for that shit la.. for my rep.
S: Nevermind bro, they fuck you now and they'll forget. In 5 years surely you fuck them back.

Somehow through the wires I hear Bashir's face muscle contorting into a smile. Aku pun senyum; aku teringat my good friend once said:

To those about to skate, I salute you. When you jatuh tergolek, I laugh at you.

So very true. People always back you up when you are doing well, when they need you. When you are going down, the same person can be so different.

It's a wicked world that live in. It's true.

I bid Bashir goodbye and wish him all the luck in the world. He already got the effort.

By the way, BTW.
Posted on Saturday, May 10, 2008 | 1 comments
Posted on Thursday, May 08, 2008 | 1 comments


I'm bored.. can somebody make me a coffee? Coffee makes me happy. You? You make me feel alive. Coffee makes me happy. You make me happy and you make me sad. You make me feel all sorts of feeling and what makes one feel more alive than to feel?

I love coffee. I love you more.


How do you value friendship? Kita selalu pakai macam-macam nice words to describe how deeply we value our friendship. Kawan 8 tahun, Kawan hidup-mati, Adik-beradik, Blood brothers. Those are words. A feeling is more abstract than that.

A few days back I heard about a friend so willingly ended 8 years of friendship over a matter of RM 60. I felt sad. That is how much he value his friend. His value as my friend dropped to RM 59.90 that night. 

While I was driving down the blessed MRR2 that night, I wonder how much my friends value me. That's not really an easy thing to find out. You can't ask; you'll only get words thrown back at you. A feeling is much more abstract than that.


Ouch, I spilled coffee on my jeans.. Damn, now I kena basuh pulak. Takpe lah, kalau mengantuk boleh hidu jeans. Ahh...

Anyway, you guys can't comment on this one. Sorry. I don't need more words. I've heard enough. I don't want to be lied at again.


Teringat tahun 2003, di sebuah dinding betul-betul depan pintu Dorm 7 di Pavilion. Ada seorang budak sedang mencoret.

Actions define a man. Words are just like farts in the wind

Kalau Don Corleone tahu, pasti budak tu sedang sleeping with the fishes.
Posted on Wednesday, May 07, 2008 | 0 comments

Heart Go Faster

Dedicated to no one but myself.
Posted on Tuesday, May 06, 2008 | 0 comments

Changes and realization

When we grow up, our perspective of the worlds change. I experienced two of those recently.


I was sitting in my car, reading back a few latest SMSes I've received from my dearly beloved. I reflect on how I've been neglecting and I told myself, well now you know it's true all along. 

I am 19 and I've learn to understand that money can't buy happiness. 


Back when I was in College, I love answering Agama paper. I especially love this kind of questions:

Terangkan kebaikan bersikap jujur.

I would give lots and lots of answers. They'll accept them all. One of those is definitely this:

Meningkatkan kekuatan Iman.

How could they not mark that right, right? Still..

I am 19 and I believe that I finally understood what kekuatan Iman is.


I always enjoy sitting on the windowsill and looking out into the rain. It's a beautiful sight isn't it? Still, lately I noticed that between me and the view outside, there is a reflection of me on the window glass, looking inside.

I've been too busy wondering about things happenig outside that I miss the cycle of blooming and decaying inside. I'm not Oprah but I'll tell you this. Learn about yourself first before learning about someone else.

I owe many people apologies.

I am close to confessing a few things to a few people, still I'm not really sure I'm man enough to bear the consequences. 

Maybe esok, maybe lusa. Maybe tak ada.

Some things are better left unsaid.


Selamat malam si bujang lapok perfectionist. Ya, aku rakyat biasa. Sedarlah, kau pun sama.
Posted on Sunday, May 04, 2008 | 2 comments


Thunder rumbles in the distance, a quiet intensity. The sky is dark, the wind blows fiercely. Oh how I wish for a blackout. A massive blackout.

I need a break. I need you. I need to patch things up before the cracks open wide.

I am sorry. 

Please dear God, strike that TNB thing down. Amin.
Posted on Saturday, May 03, 2008 | 0 comments

Lighthouse and three movies

Semalam aku dinner di Nasi Lemak Antarabangsa. Kawan-kawan aku budak KL pergi cari di Bukit Antarabangsa, tetapi tak jumpa. Tak apa.

Sedang aku sedap makan di situ bersarungkan jersey penjaga gol bola sepak MCKK tahun 2001,tiba-tiba aku disapa.

C: Kamu budak Malay College?
H: Ya saya. 
C: Saya dulu cikgu di Malay College. Waktu zaman the last HM mat salleh. What's his name..
H: Haha.. I can't remember. Should be around 1965 kan?
C: That time Anwar was in form 6.. Anyway, it's okay. Baguslah kamu, sekolah elok.

Everytime I wear something MCKK, aku rasa macam lighthouse.


I was talking to a man today who was very interested in what I choose to pursue: a career in media and broadcasting. He told me this:

Every movie you make is actually three. What you write on the papers is a movie, what you go out and shoot is a movie and most importantly, when you cut your movie, that is a movie too.

Thank you. It is great to know people like you. I am kind of bored with answering the questions people ask.

Oh, belajar mass comm.. Mass comm tu apa?
You dulu kat sekolah ambik Science kan? Kenapa buat mass comm? Rugi jer..
You're from MCKK right? What are you doing taking mass comm? What a waste!

I believe I know what I am doing.. If I fell down and fail, that is a lesson for me. We live and we learn.


Selamat malam sang stereotype. Ringan-ringankan tulang anda. I can see you from here.
Posted on Saturday, May 03, 2008 | 1 comments


Aku bangun tidur lewat lagi pagi ni. Aku bangun penuh benci.. Basuh muka, bukak TV. Aku duduk atas sofa hitam mewah yang tadinya aku jadikan katil. Tak lupa juga penghargaan buat bantal kuning kempis yang tak selesa. Shit.. Tangan aku kebas.

Aku berjalan masuk bilik. Lampu tungsten malap masih menyala.. sayup-sayup warnanya. Di tepi komputer ribaku, 19 pita Betacam SP. Pita-pita analog yang tak sabar-sabar untuk di-digitalkan.

Ah.. happy holidays.

Aku belum ada tiang seri. Tumbang tiang seri tumbang semuanya. Tiada tiang seri, apa yang ada? Nak buat keputusan memang senang. Konsekuensinya yang aku masih bingung. Ditelan mati anak, diluah mati bapak. Yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong berciciran.

Hari ini abstrak lagi.

Aku nak ke Sentul West. Aku nak hidup di sana. Indah. Tak macam Pandan Indah, Bukit Indah atau Indah Valley. Marketing memudahkan anda berfikir. Slap an interesting name to a pig and sell it as a thoroughbred. Tutup TV, tutup radio. Tutup blog ini juga, buat blog sendiri dan tulis apa yang anda rasa. Berfikir untuk diri sendiri. Biar otak anda rasa berjasa.

Muka maybe tak handsome, itu tak apa. Tua-tua berkedut juga. Bila melecur boleh hancur. Akal kita indah. Nostradamus mungkin dah mati, tapi akal yang dia curah atas kepingan-kepingan Gutenberg masih laris hingga hari ini. 

Bak kata watak Hugo Weaving yang aku amat minati, ideas are bulletproof.

Hari ini May Day. Aku teringin nak demonstrasi di tengah-tengah jalan. Baju aku dah merah. Siapa-siapa sudi dermakan sepanduk? Tapi aku tak mahu jadi proletariat, menunggu dan menunggu masa kejatuhan bourgeois. Aku nak berlari sambil memikul sledgehammer, walaupun aku bukan kerja kilang. Yes, aku bosan jadi middle child sejarah. Dan yes, aku dapat idea tersebut dari Fight Club, aku memang minat Ed Norton.

Aku bosan.

Kenapa tengok E! News? Tekan 551. Terima kasih.
Posted on Thursday, May 01, 2008 | 0 comments

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Location: Klang Valley, Malaysia

Rebel, sweetheart.

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