49

If there is that illusive unnamed feeling, this must be it or perhaps, what it really is is an amalgamation of dozens of contradicting feelings, leaving the mind to wonder what really is going on down there in the heart.

The cold morning breeze through the window wide open as on the radio a slow song plays, too soft to identify yet loud enough to wake me up makes me smile at the thought of the morning, that pure feeling before the brain starts to kick in all the worries of the day you start to regret waking up late, or waking up at all.

Oh how the battle between the heart and the mind.

I saw your car today on the side of that road and that spoilt my morning. I passed the same road again come midnight and you are still there and that spoilt my entire day. Perhaps I'm selfish for putting my happiness on such a silly fact, but you yourself have been selfish to me for far longer by treating me this way. Don't you think that we both sound so childish for two people who believes, and still do, that they can outsmart the world?

We love to solve other people's problem yet we could never solve our own. We manage by pretending there is no problem. We manage by pretending a lot of things. You manage by pretending to the world that I do not exist. I manage by pretending to the world that you are more than what you really are. You live in your make believe world where I am the occasional shameful sin you allow yourself to as an escapism. I live in my make believe world where you are the heavenly reward I deserve for being a selfless human being.

Maybe perhaps if you allow more of me to exist in your world, I'll let go a bit more of you in my world. But then again, what problem would that solve since we don't have any problems between us.

We, perfect human beings.