Dendam Tak Sudah

I've never been in a fight my entire life. I've never punch anyone, never kicked, never slapped, never pushed, never, never, never.. no one.

Still, I've had my fair share of being physically hurt by several people throughout my life. It wasn't a fight because I can't fight back. Perhaps it was probably not a fight because I didn't fight back. Oh well..

I like to tell people that I don't hold grudges but the truth is, I do.

Why forgive when you can't forget?

I still remember that kid who pushed me down that tembok in Surau SS5 back in 1996. I still do remember that other kid who pushed me down that ledge tepi padang SK Kelana Jaya 1 one afternoon back in 1998. Why did you have to do that to me? Does it satisfy your ego? Or are fat kids are just meant to be pushed around.. pushed down.. a funny freakshow?

I still remember how hot that cement floor felt back in 2001 and how my burnt hands felt for days after. I still remember how that toilet slipper felt as it hits my left cheek. I still remember that night in 2002 when you took off your ring and slapped me in front of my friends and that evening when I know what if felt like not be able to breathe as you punched my chest.. four times. Yes, sure I was wrong. But were you right?

Of course, how could I forget that teacher who punched me in the head for no good reason aside his self-righteous ego. You and me are not done, keep that in mind.

But all in all.. I especially remember that woman, someone's mother I suppose, who ridiculed me back in tadika because my flu makes me messy and she said I tak mandi. I can't find a place in my heart to forgive you and rest assured that I will keep it that way for years to come. I hope your husband divorced you.

That's probably why I don't like messing around with kids. That's probably why I generally avoid kids. Kids remember these sort of things.. and if they are like me, they won't forget.

My dear friends, when was the last time you've seen me being mad?

For that, I am terribly afraid that I might do something very stupid one day.

About this entry

You’re currently reading “Dendam Tak Sudah,” an entry on pelangi hitam putih

Published:
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
by amerhadiazmi