Concerning me
I want to have a chat with my emotional and disturbed 13 year old self.I wonder how much I've changed since then.
Reading back what I wrote back in 2005 in my then blog makes me realize that that between then and now, there are things that've changed. Ego nak mampus, macam dunia ni merayu nak cium tapak kaki aku.
Oh well, that sort of optimism landed me where I am today. So it wasn't all that bad. Sadly I don't keep anything back from those earlier days. I wonder what my reaction now would be if I somehow read something from way back then.
Oh wait, I do have something. A birthday card I'm too scared to send. Oh well.
Some part of me want that boy's enthusiasm and spirit back in me. Back when I prefer being known as two odd digits and occasionally with a name I invented for myself. I do things because he felt like doing it. Pergi mampus orang nak kata apa. Orang lain tak faham. I am way beyond them.
Still, though the fact that I am that boy, I think I might've lost grasp of what he believes in, what he stood for. Maybe he's still inside, taking some time off. Maybe he's gone for good, believing that I'll do good on my own. Maybe he never left.
I believe in him. Whenever I open back my old box of stuffs and there are a few trinkets sorted in a strange manner, my semi-OCD self tells me to sort it back the right way but my instincts tells me not to. There's a reason he sorted it this way. Then I took a good look at it and yeah, he did have his reasons. Aku je yang lupa.
When my friends look at me, do they still see the same me they saw all these years?
People change, yes.. but I don't want to forget.
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- Published:
- Thursday, June 18, 2009
- by amerhadiazmi
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