Freefall

My expectations were high when I first watched The Revenge of The Sith, because at long last we were going to be able to see the fall of Anakin Skywalker and the becoming of Darth Vader, and like most people I was disappointed.

Just like that? He turned into the greatest villain ever on the silver screen just because of that? That?

Nonetheless, looking back at it now, I guess I understood what happened to Anakin. He was already fallen a long time before. Long before he was in the Chancellor's office, seeing Mace Windu being thrown out of the window on his own personal, very physical fall.

You see, like Anakin, we are all fallen, each in our own way, for our own way, whatever that maybe. His fall came about the time he was so sure of himself being the greatest Jedi of them all, and his fear of losing Padme and their children. Palpatine came about with a question to the answer that he already knew.

We have made that decision to walk off the cliff long before we even see the cliff. It is just a matter of timing.

But have you heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper? On his way down past each floor, he kept saying to reassure himself: So far so good… so far so good… so far so good. How you fall doesn’t matter. It’s how you land. It doesn't have to be bad and even when it is bad, it not necessarily a bad thing. Despite his fall, and his bad landing, Anakin eventually sacrificed himself to save his son, undid all the wrong he had done, brought forth stability to the Force, peace to the galaxy and fulfilled his destiny.

Some people just need to know how deep the abyss is before they can appreciate the height of the sky.

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May 2010.
Ayer Keroh.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + chaos.

Chasing dreams.

December 2010.
My room in the attic.
Nikon D80 + AF Nikkor 50/1.8 + Yuri Gagarin, Lenin and Tweety.

November 2010.
Jalan Desa Ria.
Nikon D40 kit + Adobe Lightroom + What have I gotten myself into?

Music is perhaps the epitome of human's creativity.

50

People often sneer at others who only asks God for help when they are in trouble, but isn't that better than those who never asks God for anything?

Boys don't cry. If that is the case then I guess I'm now a man.

The worst feeling in this world is without a doubt, the feeling of disappointing others, of which I am guilty of time and time again. I wasn't quite sure if you caught notice of the last few seconds of our phone conversation when my emotions betrayed me and I let loose a hint of tears over your assurance that everything is going to be fine. Is it so wrong though if you do? Perhaps we've been living deep in that age old dogma that we pushed aside the things that we feel is right for the things we think is right.

Can a heartless person possibly cry?

A year ago

49

If there is that illusive unnamed feeling, this must be it or perhaps, what it really is is an amalgamation of dozens of contradicting feelings, leaving the mind to wonder what really is going on down there in the heart.

The cold morning breeze through the window wide open as on the radio a slow song plays, too soft to identify yet loud enough to wake me up makes me smile at the thought of the morning, that pure feeling before the brain starts to kick in all the worries of the day you start to regret waking up late, or waking up at all.

Oh how the battle between the heart and the mind.

I saw your car today on the side of that road and that spoilt my morning. I passed the same road again come midnight and you are still there and that spoilt my entire day. Perhaps I'm selfish for putting my happiness on such a silly fact, but you yourself have been selfish to me for far longer by treating me this way. Don't you think that we both sound so childish for two people who believes, and still do, that they can outsmart the world?

We love to solve other people's problem yet we could never solve our own. We manage by pretending there is no problem. We manage by pretending a lot of things. You manage by pretending to the world that I do not exist. I manage by pretending to the world that you are more than what you really are. You live in your make believe world where I am the occasional shameful sin you allow yourself to as an escapism. I live in my make believe world where you are the heavenly reward I deserve for being a selfless human being.

Maybe perhaps if you allow more of me to exist in your world, I'll let go a bit more of you in my world. But then again, what problem would that solve since we don't have any problems between us.

We, perfect human beings.