Oh Jared Leto..

Life hasn't been quite nice lately. Neet is busy with her sister's wedding so much that she doesn't seem to care whether I call or not. The people I love to hang out with most are busy or away, leaving me without a reason to go out. Then earlier today I saw Jared Leto of 30 Seconds to Mars' abs in their videoclip and comparing it to mine stressed me out even more.. Oh Jared Leto. No wonder Alexander love his Hephastion so much...

I really should be doing something serious now about my weight. I really really should. Sometime I think the reason I prefer staying at home rather than go out - other than because I'm broke - is because at home I don't need to be really wary about how I look. I can just linger around in my Banana Republic tees and shorts all day long..

Yesterday I went out with Mak and Arif to KLCC. Arif is getting a new pair of kicks and I suggested Everlast, which he eventually did buy. I was looking for a new pair of jeans.. I've been wearing that one pair I have for quite too often. Now, this is another part I hate about being fat: shopping. I know that for my size, Levi's only offer two cuttings; 501 and 512 which limits my choices. Unfortunately for me, they only have one patern left for the 512 and none for the 501 and I hate that one pattern so I chow. Neet suggested me to look at TopMan but after being twice or thrice there I came to a conclusion that my body type is not what TopMan targets for so I ditched that too.

Having frustrated over jeans I head into Parkson to get a nice new long sleeved shirt for any formal whatever I might need to attend later. After picking up one I like the nice lady asked me what size I'm wearing. I said I didn't know since they don't use the XL thing so she did the math for me and handed me a size 17 and a half. Owh Okay, I picked it up and went into the fitting room. Now, I don't know if they have a term for this but I think I have a phobia of fitting room. It's not quite claustrophobia, it's more of the fear of being inside a room alone with a very honest mirror. Well, you get what I mean. The size turn out to be a tad too big for me so I tried on the size 17. Still too big, on to 16 and a half.. quite okay but I think 16 should be perfect. So I put on the size 16. Great! The shoulder fit nicely. Oh, couldn't button the neck.. Hurm, nevermind I wouldn't be wearing a tie anyway. Let's try buttoning it all the way down.. down.. look into the mirror... Oh shit. Oh shit.. Well, 16 and a half it is.

It's not fun being fat. Seriously. You can take that as a fact. I spent my childhood being the stereotypical fat kid. Around puberty I grew helluva tall and lost helluva weight - mostly because of MCKK and the brutal Prep School prefects - only to gain all that back after SPM. God I wish there was an Empty Recycle Bin button somewhere..

This is probably the second time I'm bitching about my weight on my blog for the whole world to read. Not many people I know would want someone over in Nicaragua to know about a fat guy in Malaysia.. but hell, I just don't know who else I want to talk with. It's kind of a motivation see, to acknowledge a problem. Knowing is half the battle, or something.. Take a look at this video while you are at it.


Well, I'm quite like that giraffe. I denied, got mad at it, bargained a few times, got depressed again and again and even tried to accept it as a fate but I still ain't satisfied.. Not until I have those Jared Leto abs..



Psst: He's the lead vocalist. The ab is somewhere around 2.48